9 things to remember so that your mental illness doesn’t affect your love life

 

Having a mental illness in itself is hard without the added worry of how it could affect another person should the relationship discussion arise. 

Alongside the medication, the constant battle with your mind and the unpredictability of how you’re going to feel day
to day, suffering with a mental illness can be time consuming and incredibly daunting.
With this comes added stigma and worry over how another person may act towards you should they find out you’re ‘different’. This can often lead to the person suffering hiding their mental illness out of fear the judgement and rejection is going to be too much.
Of course, this just isn’t practical. You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding something that can at times take a huge effect on your life just to please another person. And, to put it bluntly, the person you’re with just isn’t worth it if they aren’t going to accept you for you completely.
9 reasons why you shouldn’t let your mental illness affect your love-life.

1. It’s a part of you

Just like a freckle on your cheek or the fact you prefer horror movies to rom-coms.

Sure, you can pretend all you like that The Notebook totally beats ABCs of Death, but you wouldn’t spend every movie night for the rest of your life cringing at love scenes to suit someone else, would you?
So why would you consider covering up every time you need some comfort, some space of some help just to please another? It’s not healthy.

2. But it doesn’t control you

You have a mental illness. You are NOT a mental illness. There are so many other, wonderful parts to you.
Your mental illness shouldn’t be a negative. It is something you should be commended for for coping with, but not something that should be seen as a ‘fault’.

3. Be honest and up-front

If it’s their reaction you’re afraid of, be up-front and honest first. Don’t get too attached before everything’s out in the open.
That way, you can save yourself a lot of hurt right from the beginning.

4. Everybody has issues

 Of course, having a mental illness is different to just having a down day – but everybody has down days.

This is something that is really important to remember. Everyone has bad thoughts and the feeling of wanting to lay in bed all day and cry.
You’re not alone in that one.
Remembering this will really help when you feel ready to talk about how you’re feeling – and using it as a common ground is a great way to start to help your other half or potential love interest begin to understand.

5. The idea of speaking out is scarier than the reality

It’s totally normal to feel scared when approaching the subject of mental health with someone you have feelings for.
You worry you’ll scare them off, that they won’t have ‘time for it’ and that they’ll judge you before you even get to speak about it properly.
But mental health isn’t something they need to have ‘time for’.
Yes, they may need to make a little more effort in the relationship and there will be days where they simply won’t know how to help – but if they love you enough, they’ll do it.

6. Talking about it can help you cope better

 Having a mental illness can be extremely isolating and you often feel as though you are trapped in your own head.

But being able to talk about it will release some of those demons and some of the pressure you put on yourself.
It’ll also aid the relationship – you’ll build trust and a bond you may have never had with anyone before.
Knowing you have someone to talk things through with will help you think with a clearer mind and will make you feel as though finally, someone understands.

7. Remember that they may not understand completely

If you keep an open mind and educate them, rather than expecting them to understand straight away, you’re more likely to receive more of a listening ear.
People aren’t mind-readers and, if they don’t have a mental illness themselves, it can be difficult to understand in one sitting.
Don’t get offended when they say something out of context.
They’re not doing it to hurt you and often people make bad jokes in hope of cheering someone up.
Even if they are really awkward, awful jokes. Cut them a break.

8. Don’t blame past-relationships on your mental illness

Don’t settle for someone who treats you like shit.
Don’t blame people treating you badly on your mental illness. It’s their problem, not yours.
Don’t let it keep you in fear of leaving or talking about it with anyone else because you think they’ll have the same reaction.

9. And simply, don’t settle for anything less than you deserve

 Not all people are the same.

There are some really, lovely, understanding people out there who will listen to you and love you simply for you.
Don’t see your mental illness as a burden, see it as something you bravely deal with day in day out.
If you’re strong enough to get through each day, be strong enough to wait it out for someone who truly appreciates you.